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Does Sex Mean Love

One of the most asked questions when it comes to casual sex is, “Is casual sex bad for you?” Here’s what you need to know.
This is where the swearing starts, says Dr. Donna Wulkan, a psychiatrist and sex psychologist in New York City. People have been feeling pressure to do sex on an increasingly casual basis and then they have these feelings of guilt and shame. There’s something now that’s supposed to represent what a modern man is, which is someone who goes out on the street and is vulnerable, and is getting intoxicated and feeling things. Then, they’re afraid to confront that and go in the closet and call their mom, or whatever.
As long as you’re just talking to someone you’ve gotten to know and feel safe with, “never being ‘one of those guys,'” it’s fine, says Wulkan. But if you’re being pressured to do it a particular way, or a certain number of times a week, or if you feel you can’t say no and make your partners feel like you don’t care about their feelings, then it’s just a bad relationship, whether it’s casual or not.
The feelings of guilt around casual sex may also stem from a feeling that it’s a break from dating the traditional, long-term girlfriend type. If you’re used to hooking up with a lot of one-night stands, it may be a bit awkward when you become part of a relationship. And who knows how often we feel guilty for hooking up? When you start chatting someone up, you might be afraid of getting that phone call asking, “So do we need to be exclusive?”
If your casual hookups are out of the blue, you might feel guilty that you’re just using someone. Your casual hookups aren’t about using people — that’s something you do in the bedroom, not the bar. But if they’re with someone they like and you happen to have a night where you both want to have sex, you might worry you’re taking advantage of them. But if you’re with a person who wants to have sex with you, then there’s no wrong or right way to do that, says Wulkan.
If you’re casual about casual sex, then you’re free to hook up whenever and however you want, and you just know you’re not doing something wrong or taking advantage of someone. But if you are taking advantage of someone or forcing someone to do things they don’t want to do, then it’s definitely not casual.
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Where do casual sex apps come in?
If you’re a 20-something millennial, you probably haven’t been in the awkward situation of having to tell your parents that you actually enjoy casual sex. If you did share this information, however, you might be faced with a response that ranged from sympathetic or “aren’t you playing around a bit much?” to cautious or at least curious. It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of shame or confusion: What’s the best way to handle this “loose” community of sexualities?
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But even if you are married, it may be a good idea to talk with your spouse about your feelings and why you desire casual sex with other people. Many people have become more comfortable talking about sex with a trusted friend instead of with their spouse and have found that their spouse is more supportive.
In addition to hearing from your friends and trusted family members, you should think about what issues would be likely to arise in such a conversation with a significant other. These include concerns about masturbation, safe sex, STDs and protection, polyamory, monogamy, and just general relationship health and safety.
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Like with other aspects of your life, it’s important to develop an understanding and communication of the different needs of casual sex with a woman. One benefit of talking with a third party, like a girlfriend or your spouse, is that they might have more insight than you into what types of experiences you want in your relationship.
As such, you can decide what type of relationship you want to have and what you are comfortable with. Communication is key here. Another helpful resource for understanding and supporting polyamorous relationships is University of Chicago psychologist and author Elaine Everett.
If you are not comfortable with casual sex, you might want to rethink your reasons, seek help, or get honest. Sometimes you cannot simply rewire your brain and personality; sometimes you may need a change in perspective and your approach to sexual partners.
Start by assessing what kind of sexual relationship you want. Are you looking for a monogamous relationship with a long-term relationship to one sexual partner? What would be the expectations of this relationship — you both desire to have casual sex with other people?
Do you desire just occasional sex and intimacy, casual hookups and encounters, or a combination of the two?
What role does time and space play in your casual sexual relationships? Does casual